M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
