can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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