i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
