Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
