I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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