imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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