I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize