Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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