he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
