pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
