yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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