I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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