i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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