Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
