it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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