wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
