can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?Â
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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