My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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