My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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