we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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