I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
