Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
