she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
