One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
