you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
