And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
