I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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