My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
