I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
