it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
