watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
