Duck Duck Cougar?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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