4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
