i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
