WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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