What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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