Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
