I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
