Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
In America we eat man semen.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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