I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
