you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he fucked my hip out of place.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize