I hate your face
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
