i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
