I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
