I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
