Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize