sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
