Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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