just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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