4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
