perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
