Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
