im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
