well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
