I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
