I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
