this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize