I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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