Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Randomize
