so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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