There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
