Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
porn star boner night. come get it.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I will pee on everything he values.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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