yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
