I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
