I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
