His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
