You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
