my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
