Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
