god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
